The "Tickle me to DEATH" fantasy

First, apologies to anyone who wonders where I've been. The honest answer is that I keep forgetting I have this blog. I'm not really much of a blogger in general, so "blogging" isn't usually in the forefront of my mind. So, that said, here I am....again. Two years later - almost to the date.

I have this thing about being tickled to death. I know, I know... it's a part of the tickling universe. There are many of us who enjoy it when the "top" or master or victimizer says, "I'm going to tickle you to death." I know I get instantly hard hearing it. I just got hard writing it. But here's the thing - I REALLY REALLY fantacize about it happening for real. Like I REALLY want it to happen more than I think I should. And there have only been two times where I've been tickled by a Master who brought me beyond what I could handle - past that breaking point where I was a complete mess, terrified that it was happening, and yet had two of the biggest orgasms of my life - then passed out. For real. The last time it happened my Master said some really raunchy stuff as he was tickling my sheer socked foot and shaft - REALLY digging into my sides and armpits ... the look on his face was the first time I knew another person was SO into literally TORTURING me and not really caring how I was doing that it seemed he just might kill me as a result from the intensity... well, I want it to happen again. I was never so afraid (only than the one other time mentioned above and, I think, in a previous post) and convinced that he really might not stop. And I'm sitting here getting hard recalling it. I want him to go further next time... so what's wrong with me?

I had a fairly decent upbringing. Didn't get along with my step-father, but that's no unique story. In second grade a male classmate tickled me to the point of pissing my pants on the playground - I jacked off to that memory for two decades. (On a side note, I just looked him up on Facebook hoping for a reunion/replay. Sadly, he's straight.) I had my first tickling fantasy at age 4 - but have no recollection of anyone tickling me until that second grade incident. So these days, with my death fantasy so extreme and DESIRED, I'm really curious where it comes from.

In that ultimate fantasy, I go to meet with a tickler - a joint decision. We're going to play tickle games, he's going to tie me up, strip me to only my sheer socks, tell me he's going to tickle me to death, then he tickles me to orgasm, we hug and I go home. That's the joint plan. BUT then when he should be untying me and getting ready to send me on my way - he doesn't untie me. He instead tells me he's kidnapping me for real. Holding me until the day he tickles me to death. It may take one week. It may take 10 years. But he's not going to let me go - ever. He's going to keep me in a box, or tied to his bed, and will tickle me every single day. He'll jack me off every single say, then tickle me more. He'll tickle me until I pass out - every single day. And then, on the day that he finally bores of me, he pulls out a particular pair of sheer socks, puts them on me, and does, indeed, tickle me to death. Then to prove he's not kidding me nor is he simply trying to bring a fantasy to life so I'll have another orgasm, he in fact pulls out the box he's going to keep me in - then begins tickling me...

And to that fantasy, I will shoot load after load. So i'm curious both WHY someone who doesn't desire death in general (it's only specifically related to tickling and has nothing to do with depression, et al) - and whether or not I'm the only person who wishes for it?